Monday, December 28, 2009

keeping him at arm's length

last night nature boy came over to hang out. we played wii, ate homemade thin crust za, smoked hand-rolled cigarettes, and listened to music. as the evening wore on and we became a little heavy eyed, he snuggled up next to me in the overstuffed chair. he is always quite the snuggle bug. he cuddles A LOT. he also makes little noises of satisfaction. this i find a little annoying. actually there is something i noted last night. when we make out, the feeling of his kisses and his touch are appealing. it is the sight and sound senses of him that i don't find attractive. oh his voice is fine, it is just those noises. and he has these extraordinarily dark circles not just under his eyes, but around them. it is a bit disturbing to me. i must find something to help him with that. (you must think i am simply terrible.)

furthermore, he is a big complimenter. he tells me sweet things. this i don't mind so much. flattery will get you nowhere with me, but i sure like to hear it. he tells me i am pretty and that i have a strong body. my favorite is when he calls me "banging hot." however, it makes me worry about how he feels for me. i told him in the beginning i wanted no expectations. i just like hanging out with him. we have many similar interests. he is intelligent and we have some good conversations. he is a pretty rad cat in many ways, but i don't really feel that "thing" for him.

as he lay in my arms nearly squeezing the life out of me, he murmurs from the warmth and comfort of my bosom, "you're so pretty, [i.d.]."

considering these words, i say in return, "don't like me too much. i'll break your heart."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

second time is the charm.

so last night i hit up nature boy for a booty call. i figure now that i am not restrained by the chains of refrain i should go hog wild. i know that the first time left some to be desired, but the pull of desire for flesh allowed me to see my way past all that. the second time was much better. i can't say earth shattering, but definitely a lot of fun. i laughed a lot and had a blast. but i have learned something about this boy that i simply must share.

there is something about the intimacy of pillow talk that allows people to open up. nature boy decided to share his "penis" story with me. this is great. ok, so it must be said that he is sort of a marathon lover. i can't take it really. it has been too long for me. i need to work up to his level of stamina. i just attributed it to him being young. after last night, i know otherwise.

when he was about 21 he sought treatment for bouts of depression and anxiety. he was put on medication. the medication caused him to have a "raging boner" (his words) that lasted for most of the time he was awake and even asleep for DAYS on end. he tried to relieve the condition through masturbation and marathon sex sessions, but to no avail it would not go away. on day FOUR he made an appointment with his doctor. his doctor was pissed. he told him that one should seek medical attention if the erection lasts more than four hours. "you probably suffered some nerve damage," the doctor explained. he did. his phallus is slightly desensitized. this fact makes me a little sad. everyone should feel sex at its fullest potential. however, on a more upside, i to satisfy. perhaps a partner that can go the distance just may be able to help me find my stride.

heres to the throws of passion that have crept back into my bed. i knew i wouldn't hold out long.

practicing safe sex,

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

so does this mean my streak is over?

today is day two of a very long "date" nature boy and i got together last night. i helped him organize his new rental a little. we stopped off a joe's to pay a tab i made a few nights ago, and then we headed to my house. we drank a few wheat beers, played some wii, and were just chilling on the couch. a long silence fell over us. i broke it with, "if you wanted to make out a little now would be a good time."

a smile snuck across his lips and he moved in. a kiss turned into a touch into a grasp and then into an epic make out session. he was a perfect gentleman. he never tried to go anywhere that i didn't lead. neither of us took off any undergarments or pants. we just felt each other for hours and it felt incredible. we moved well together, like familiar dance partners. when i had no more left, he had plenty more to give, but i needed rest. we slept beside each other and woke up to another mtv the grind. i wanted desperately to get completely naked and feel all of this young man. i wanted what i hoped would be a spectacular event. but i couldn't. he never even asked me.

when we stumbled out of my rather crumpled bed, i made us a breakfast to ensure we were refueled from the monumental necking session. i made us a healthier three onion, mushroom and ham quiche. i am that cool that i just had all the ingredients for it at my house.

1 recipe Pie Crust, recipe follows
2 tablespoons unsalted lite butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup thinly sliced yellow onion
1 cup thinly sliced red onion
1 cup thinly sliced leeks, white parts only
6 ounces diced ham
8 ounces thinly sliced crimini mushrooms
2 teaspoons thyme
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground white pepper
1/2 cup 2% milk
6 large eggs (used egg whites from carton)
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
1 1/2 ounces grated Italian Blend Cheese, plus 1 1/2 ounces

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. roll out crust into 9 or 10" pie plate and chill for 30 minutes
line with foil and bake for 12 minutes. remove foil and bake for another 5 minutes. cool.

saute onions in butter and olive oil (8 min). add ham, mushrooms, thyme, garlic. tsp salt and pepper (8 min). cool and add to pie crust.

in a bowl combine eggs, 1/4 tsp salt and nutmeg. whisk until just blended. stir in 1 1/2 oz grated cheese. pour over onion mixture. top with 1 1/2 oz cheese. place the quiche on a sheet pan and bake 35 minutes rotating halfway through

For the Pie Crust:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 ounces (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into pieces
3 to 4 tablespoons ice water, as needed

In a food processor combine flour, salt, and butter and process until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. While the motor is running, add water in increments until dough just comes together to form a ball. Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface and shape into a flat disk. Refrigerate overnight or at least 1 hour. Remove from refrigerator and roll out on a lightly floured surface to desired shape and thickness.

While we were eating breakfast, it began to snow. nature boy thought it would be a good idea to go on a snowy hike. i thought it was a swimming idea. we loaded up the doggies and headed to thumb butte. the hike was awesome. this day has been awesome. i have had a lot of fun.

as a final note: when i was getting ready to meet him yesterday, i found i was thinking about him in a daydreamy way. i noted to myself that it was a nice change from almost always thinking about Ex. i don't really see this going anywhere far, but i am having a heck of a time while it lasts.cheers.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

i kissed a boy

last night i just couldn't help myself. nature boy celebrated his 26th birthday last night. wow this kid is so much younger than me. 9 years is a big difference, especially when the girl is the older one. that may be a bit sexist, but it is the truth i feel.

anyway, i met up with him at joe's. he had been getting his drink on since about 8:30. i arrived at 10. i bought him a beer and a shot for the event. we went back to his place to chill. he just moved into a shoebox right over the hill from my place. we laughed and talked and played with the doggies. sitting on the couch watching him i wanted him to kiss me. i wanted him to reach over and lay a soft peck on my lips. the mood and moment were so right. how did i go from only seeing this guy as a friend to wanting to make out with him, i don't know.

he is not conventionally handsome. he isn't unattractive either, he just isn't make you stop your car and cause an accident hot. he is average. he is smaller in stature (what is up with me and the little guys?) he lives meagerly, and learning of his "dumpster diving" is horrifying to me. he doesn't have a degree (yet). he moves around a lot and calls no place home. the closest is chicago where he grew up. he is all wrong wrong wrong. but still i find myself liking him.

it isn't a i am blown away by you like. it is more of a quiet whisper. it is a curiosity. oh but sitting on his tiny couch with two dogs between us, how i wanted that kiss.

i could see he was fading, and that was my cue to leave. i began my retreat. i picked up my things, headed to the door, hugged him goodbye. then something came over me. pulling out of the hug i found my hand in his. i said out loud, "my apologies, i just have to do this." i went for it. i cupped his face in my hands and i kissed him-a little tongue, a little kiss. his hands moved to my waist. it was nice. it wasn't mind numbing. it wasn't earth shattering. it was nice. i pulled away and he wobbled on his feet. he literally almost fell over. i would like to think my kiss made his knees weak, but i am going with alcohol on this one.

"happy birthday," were my last words, and i was out the door. i don't even think i heard a reply.

back at home in my big bed with my own dog pressing against me for heat, stupidly smiling, i drifted off.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


it is finals week at school. today and tomorrow the school day is only 3 hours long. i have the next two weeks off. woohoo. after work today, i met up with nature boy and his wonder pup. we went bouldering up at groom creek. i had a blast scrambling around rocks. i am a novice when it comes to climbing. he, of course, is pretty good at it. he is nature boy after all. we met up with another one of his friends from prescott college, scooter. scoots brought his dog. my pup was running in a pack it was a pretty cool sight to see. she was so happy. i caught her frolicking once or twice. back to the date. he helped me with my climb. he was patient and a good teacher. he took time to explain to me where to put my feet and how to push. how nice he was. he commented to me that he was like his father, "swarthy and obnoxious." i laughed loud at that and noted it; i wanted to quote him accurately.

the scenery was amazing. of course i forgot my camera. there were many great pic opportunities. we were bouldering around for a couple hours when we began to lose light. heading back to the car, we talked the whole way. we chatted about whatever people learning about each other chat about. i wasn't planning on spending the rest of the evening with him, but i was having such a good time that i invited him over for pizza and wii.

he helped me make a pizza from scratch (my favorite kind) we had a blast and laughed and ate good food. he actually helped me clean up just a bit before we ate. we played wii and i so kicked his ass. it is my game after all. i would hope i would be better at it. he left and i gave him a hug. i held him close maybe just a moment longer than the last time. it felt nice. i let go and just as i did i felt him hold me a little more. i wasn't about to go back in, i had already begun the retreat. i felt a warmth, a spark i hadn't felt before. after he left, i found myself smiling and sitting among my plants thinking of him-in non naughty ways and maybe one or two saucy thoughts. what does all this mean? it is nice to feel a connection with someone, even if it is small. it is nice to feel something for someone, even if the exact feeling is unclear. i am looking forward to finding out where this leads. in the meantime, i have a date on sunday with environmental activist, another outdoor adventure. my favorite kind.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

drunk and damaged

i ran into a newer friend while i was out doing some grocery shopping. she told me she had someone she wanted to introduce to me. always the optimist, i was intrigued. she told me he is 34, tall, hispanic and works at the VA. Of course i agreed.

last night we planned to meet. my grocery girl set it up. i was under the impression it was going to be a foursome date. grocery girl and her girlfriend with the new guy and me. this was not the case. i walk into tailgaters in pv and there are TWO tables filled with people ready for monday night football. cardinals got spanked by the way.

i was offered a seat right next to this lanky hispanic. he was dressed well and was relatively handsome. he spoke very little, at first. soon he began to drink beer like there was $100 bills at the bottom of the glass. i guess this was because he was just really nervous. soon he became visibly and audibly drunk. he loosened up much and was talking an awful lot. at halftime i decided that it was time for me to go home. apparently so did his mom. yes, his mother was there. on a first blind date, i met his mother, his sister and his mother's boyfriend. i overheard grocery girl's girlfriend say to him that his mother didn't want him to drive because of his head injoury. what? head injury? did i hear that correctly. i wasn't about to ask at that moment. i thought leaving was the better move.

i said my goodbyes and i was out the door. however, i must ask, what must my friends think of me if they are willing to set me up with those who have brain damage. i guess i am the indiscriminate dater after all. I have to admit, i am so curious. was he kicked in the head by a horse? i have a friend who is a school psychologist. when she was in high school she was in a pretty serious accident and suffered some brain trauma. she is a little wild and as crazy as any i guess, but doesn't seem to have any aftershocks. Maybe head injury boy leads a normal life. maybe mom packs his lunch for him everyday. there is only one way to find out.


Sunday, December 13, 2009

another date with nature boy

I met up with nature boy at his place last week. he made me deep dish pizza and invited my doggie over too. i had a smashing time. i realized even more that his past parallels that of Ex. I began to wonder if it meant anything. i wondered if i was somehow being given a second chance at romance. here was a boy that resembles in so many ways a man that i loved so much. i am meeting this person at a time in my life where i am very different from the me i was when i met Ex. I wondered if this new friend is to remain a friend as i only saw him in the beginning or is he to turn into something more. i felt a physical attraction for him that wasn't there before. the entire sensation was interesting. my eyes welled while i was hanging out with him. it is all too surreal. he walked me outside and told me how much he enjoyed spending time with me. he leaned in heading toward a kiss. i stepped back, the fresh snow crunching under my shifting weight. i lowered my head and my eyes and began to fumble for the words to explain the predicament i am in. "i enjoy spending time with you, see i am still a little gun shy and...and...i really like spending time with you. i really like your company. we have a lot in common, but...but...i don't want to go into this with any expectations."

"i think that is a great way of looking at things. i can respect that," he said sweetly.

"i hope this doesn't mean that you are not going to call me now, because i have such fun with you and our dogs get along great," i said embarrassingly.

"not at all," said he.

i left his house with a smile on my face. i have to admit, the whole evening made me wonder if i only just want to be friends with him. i am curious to see how he responds to my sort of rejection of him.

first post in a while.

it has been forever since i posted anything. i have been in hiding. when things get overwhelming for me, i run and hide. i imagine that my problems will not follow me into the abyss, but they always do. i am crawling out of the dark to face the day and tell you all about life in my world since we last touched base.

first, there is a need to address my poetic flirter. sorry, kiddo. i debated on the issue of you in my head. i am barely willing to commit to anyone let alone a twice divorce with multiple kids living at home. not my style. you made life interesting though. thanks for the ride.

second are a couple of dates i went on recently. i am going to make a couple posts about them. i feel that they need their own space. check back real soon.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


this morning i spoke on the phone for the first time with a new dating site dude. i was turned off. the celibacy thing has turned my way of thinking. in the ten minutes we were on the phone at 6:30 am he made three sexual references. i didn't like that. I am certainly no prude, but it is appalling to me. i believe inky called it moral decay. if that wasn't the term, it was something similar. however it was said, the meaning is still the same. what ever happened to learning about someone first? where is the romance? I am disappointed in that experience. It doesn't leave me with much ambition to pursue him or allow him to pursue me.

Outta left field...

A few nights ago I was curious and i went on a midnight ex excavation. I uncovered on the www his and his new woman's website. i knew the domain name existed from a previous exhumation of the leftovers of a dead relationship. the website was a save the date / wedding announcement. i was numb. physically numb. there was tingling in my lips and extremities. i felt faint. i was in shock.

I flipped though the pages learning of the story of their love; he initiated it by the way. i always found her a bit more slutty because i believed whole heartedly that she made the first move. she didn't. i learned of the proposal a few months ago. i read how happy they are and how something i wasn't sure if i ever wanted again would never be again.

it hurt. the sting took me back months. i was devastated. the ache that rose from deep inside my bosom was almost too much to bear. i know that life is suffering, but how much? i wanted an end to my grief. i didn't want to hurt. it was all counterintuitive to the progress i had made over the past months. i explored dark places in my mind. luckily i had a strong martini and the buzz dulled it all just enough. (don't try that at home kids)

i called on some friends. the troops rallied. today is a bit easier to bear. hearts and hugs to t. money, inky, doc, ky, and toot.


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

You are cordially invited...

hello You. i imagine You check my blog many times throughout the day hoping to see that i have posted some new message to You. You are in luck tonight.

i have perused my sites trying to make some matches with what little i know about You. You out there. who are You? are You really some boy with a predilection for jumbling letters or is this cousin Jethro in CA playing yet another dirty trick? it doesn't matter, i will find out eventually, and i am sure we will both have some fun along the way.

i have thought about how i want to ask You for clues, and i have come to the conclusion that i don't want to ask for them. i want You to leave tiny breadcrumbs for me. Ooh, riddles would be fun. inch by inch i want to tread along the path that leads me to your identity. So quickly You figured out who I am out there, outside these blogging walls. Yet, You really don't know who I am yet. Let's drag this on a bit for the sake of the blog, for the sake of fun, for the sake of top secret information.

Répondez s'il Vous plaît,

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Celibacy update.

I think the celibacy thing is working for me. I was around Boston this weekend and I was pretty calm and collected. I wasn't my usual jumpy self. I looked him in the eye when we were talking. I actually felt like I was in control. Normally around him I am a bit nervous and stupid. It was a very interesting turn of events. I was able to ascertain that Boston is a tough cookie to crack and I am not about to try and rush cracking it. Things will happen as they do and that is how I am going to let them.

It has been difficult to maintain a celibate status though. My abstinence extends into I.D. private time too. Thursday, while getting ready to head down to the BHC I felt a little frisky an perhaps began to wash myself a little more sensually than usual. I took a step back and took a deep breath. It is difficult to be so chaste, but I am enjoying the payoff so far. It may sound cruel but avoiding sex and all things sex has been such a positive I feel it allows me to be more objective in a situation. AND it really does keep me so clear headed. It also makes me horny as all heck. It is like I am on a constant roll. I love the way everything feels, and smells and looks. I imagine someday when I finally do lay down with a man I may break both of us.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

almost spoiled a good day

Yesterday was my birthday. Happy B-day to me. I came home from a good day. I looked cute at work and got some compliments from a few work hotties. I got a good vibe from this guy I have been playing the game with. I flirted a bit with the car wash boy. I know he works at a car wash and is so young, but eh, I figured why not. I arrived home to freshen up and hopefully head out to a Japanese meal, but first, I needed to grab the mail.

I am thumbing through the junk, the bills, a birthday card from my grandmother, and I shuffle back one more item and WHAM! There it is. That familiar handwriting glaring back at me from the white envelope. There is no return address, only mine in that sloppy, strange left-handed writing that I know so well. Ex sent me a birthday card. The sensation was similar to when he told me he was in love with another woman, disbelief. Why in the Sam hill was he sending me a card.

I was horrified and strangely hopeful. What would it say on the inside? Would he send well wishes or apologize for hurting me so? Did the card smell of his familiar cologne? Would there be a mark where a single tear fell and smeared the ink? Inside the house I held the envelope in my hand and thought long on whether to even open it. I opened it. The card was the kind one might have on hand to use in a pinch. There was nothing special or beautiful about it. Curious, I unfolded it and in the same hand, simply stated, read, "Happy Birthday, [Ex]."

My heart sank. I wanted more. I wanted something. I didn't want a profession of love or guilt. I just wanted more. I became crazy and angry. Why would he send me a card? I hurt. I ache still because he left me. This card just brought up all those feelings-the lonely, the empty, the anger, the betrayal. I lost it. I began to wail and thrash. I pleaded for cessation of this suffering. I cried for an answer. I wanted to once again know why. Then as if a friend called and we talked it over (a friend did), the answer came to me. Ex didn't do it to be mean. He is not a mean person despite his stomping my heart to a pulpy puddle. I think he did it because he is an idiot. I think he did it because he thought it was a genuinely nice thing to do. The idea that getting a card from him might hurt me probably never crossed his mind. It doesn't surprise me really. He doesn't have what dey call da social skills. He was always kind of clueless and backwards when it came to interpersonal relationships. There is a chance that he may have also wanted to make himself feel just a little bit better, but chiefly it is the idiot thing.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Cat Is out of the Bag

Last night I went to the HOTW show in Flagstaff. I had two tall drinks of water to gawk at.

The first makes me bite a lip just a little. He is this younger boy that I like to admire from afar, like an impressionist painting. He is a friend of a friend. I don't really have a type. After all, I date indiscriminately; however, if I did, his is it-sort of. He is tall and lean, a little baby faced, seems intelligent from what I know, and has facial hair. I am really a sucker for the goatee, but a man in his Grizzly Adams makes me a little weak in the knees. Ex couldn't grow a full beard. I think that emasculates him just a bit. Anyway, dude is cute, but I don't really know much about him and didn't really make any effort to learn anything last night. My attention was elsewhere.

My other piece of eye candy I had a chance to admire a little closer up. I knew he was to be at the show. That was no surprise. I was sure to let him know I was going as well. I had heard through the cellphone grapevine that he was looking for me. I found this funny because I had a pretty good idea where he was most of the night. Stalking my prey with my eyes as he slipped through the crowd, I waited to make my "move," as if I even have any. I have to seek the advice of my friends and "how to" books just to get my foot in the door. Moreover, as I have proved from past experiences, I can and have thrown my foot down my throat.

We talked for a trice about life, blah and blah. Then he drops a bombshell on me, "So, [I.D.], I hear you have written about me in your blog."

My jaw hit the floor, but a sly smile swept my face, "I am not saying that I haven't."

He asked for a few details. I gave him less than that. I tried to play it off, I am sure not very convincingly. I was a little embarrassed, but I found this disclosure a little less horrifying than the last time someone found out. However, now the nagging question has become How did he find out?

I have some ideas. Regardless of the who, where and when, I understand that all of these thoughts of mine, no matter how I try to hide my identity or how I avoid the naming of the Datees directly, are public. I have shared this blog with others and invited many to flick through my pages. People can and will read, comment and discuss this as they wish. However, I must admit, it makes the drama much more interesting when it's all kept between us friends.

Thankfully, the conversation turned to another topic. Then, I may have seen a telling look in his eye. Perhaps, he lingered close to my ear a little too long as he told me a secret. Maybe he said nothing much at all of interest to me and snubbed me because of his disappointment in my behavior. However the evening turned out from there on is something kept between him and me. I possibly couldn't share much more than this knowing there is a spy in the house of love.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Surrogate Ex-Boyfriend Wii Date

How I ache. What a deep pain I feel. The loss of a love and the crashing end to that romance still bites so sharply at my mind. I cry a lot lately. I try to breathe so deep into it. I accept it truly as a moment of growth, but it makes the hurt no less. I abstain from seeking my ex out with google searches and the like, but he worms around in my mind still. Some nights I can't sleep for the dreams I have in which he plays a starring role. Maybe it is because it is another holiday season or that damn Jane Seymour selling her swan love necklace that makes me feel so down. Whatever, I may have hit a new low.

Last night I invited Nature Boy over to eat and hang out. We ate some grub, talked some, and played Wii some. I thought I spotted it on our first date, but I certainly noticed last night that in some ways Nature Boy reminds me of Ex. Physically, both have a shorter stocky build. Both guys like the outdoors and are intelligent. Neither Ex or Nature Boy or classically handsome; neither are conventionally handsome either. Both are vagabonds in their own right. Nature Boy is ten years younger; whereas, I only had 3.5 years on Ex. On the surface, they are almost the same person seemingly.

I think that hanging out with Nature Boy is like my Ex fix. I think that he is a way to spend time with Ex doing the things that we liked to do. Ex and I were always good at the friend stuff. I miss that the most-hanging out, having fun with someone with whom you like to spend time. I have no sexual feeling toward Nature Boy, I just enjoy his company. I have to admit, I am shamed a little by this. I feel that I am indulging in some sort of fantasy. I am sure that I will spend the whole hour talking to my therapist about this one on my next appointment. Well, that and my vow of celibacy.

Which, in case you were wondering, is going well. I have felt an urge here or there to indulge in some self satisfaction, but have been able to brush it off quite easily. However, I can say that my dreams, whether about Ex or not, have been becoming more and more delicious. Oh the freak show that goes on in that gray matter of mine at night :)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Curly ...

Oh My! I almost forgot to tell you. So the other day I got a text message from Curly. Actually, let me back up for a moment. Please, if you need a reference, check out this post:

Curly is Crazy

The next day after that Curly sent me a message that sort of apologized. Citing as a reason for his behavior his pining for me and his disappointment in his unrequited love. I just got a message from him on November 5. It read:

Hello [I.D.]. I've been a JERK-FACE to a couple more than you lately and I was going down this here and just wanta day sorry to a few folks out there! thank reply necessary.

Great that he apologized; however, could it be any less personal or truly heartfelt? It almost seems like a form letter. I don't feel any warmer toward this person than I did weeks ago. I still think he is a loon.

November Playlist

I am a huge music lover. I thought that I might bring another layer into my blog and add some tuneage. please enjoy..

The Hiker

I had a hiking date this morning. I met The Hiker at 7:30 AM at the Heritage Park Zoo and our trek began there. We both brought our doggies and they got along so well with each other. The Hiker and I got along with each other just fine as well. He was so cute and brought a thermos of coffee. We stopped at the top of a rock scramble and enjoyed some joe. We got breakfast burritos when the hike was over and ate them on the square while we had some more conversation. Nonetheless, I see this as a friendship and nothing really more. He has many good qualities: intelligence, outdoor knowledge, humor, conversation. He is educated and becoming more so. He is a member of the forest fire squad. However, there are some negative qualities too. He definitely is a little dirty, there was definitely a noticeable musty smell. I know we are going hiking, but we haven't been camping. I feel clothes need to be washed. He is a little too sweet maybe. I am definitely not physically attracted to him. He is cute but in a little boy sort of way, not in a way that turns me on.

I definitely wouldn't mind hanging out with him again, mostly because I don't have many outdoor adventure friends. I just feel confident that he is in the amigo category.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Breaking the Dry Spell

I have been going through a bit of a dating dry spell. I have been talking to some gentlemen callers here and there, but I haven't been putting forth much effort into the whole thing. I have been a little blah. I am hoping that is going to change.

Tomorrow I have a date. I am going hiking with this young man. Yes, I call him young man; He is 25 years old. This makes him 10 years my junior. That is quite a bit I think. I don't know much about him yet. He is a Prescott College man and does a considerable amount of travel for his job.

I have turned down some other younger man that have pursued me. I do this mostly because younger men don't seem to have the , um, well the maturity that I am looking for. I don't expect to get serious right away, but honestly I do have a goal of meeting someone that I could see it going the distance. I don't know what it was about this younger suitor, but I went for it.

We are meeting tomorrow at 7:30 AM at the zoo. I hope we do the slick rock hike. it is over that way and so much fun.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

It takes all kinds.

As I have mentioned before, I belong to an online dating service, a few actually. It greatly increases my dating pool. However, by performing a vivisection of the lonely that troll the seamy underbelly of online matchmakers I learned that there are the desperate and the disgusting.

I introduce you to SelfMade. His name comes from his online alias. He is a 44 year old divorced bear that lives in Prescott. From his first email, I was entertained and horrified. I rode that pony for about four or five emails back and forth. I know I will not go on a date with him any time soon. Here is the transcript of that conversation and some thoughts of my own:

SM: If you want to mud wrestle with me...I'm in.

(This is the first email this man sent me. It seems to me a little dirty but kind of fun in a frat boy sort of way. I wanted to see where this went.)

ID: Name the day, time and place and I will be there with my mud wrestling shoes on.

SM: Shoes?? You don't need any shoes baby. Just a wicked smile and a rope.

(What exactly does he plan on doing with the rope. Am I going to wrestle down a rodeo calf?)

SM: Ok retard........ you need to tell me your sorry for the Steelers game againist the Vikings. You didn't earn the right to win the game so you can make it up to me in the very best way you know how....! [ID] pay attention when I'm texting......are you listening to me !! haha

(What? Did that just happen? Did a man I have never met before just call me retard? I take it back. It isn't frat humor. I am dealing with a Jr. High mentality. I am compelled to answer. I have to see just where this freak show is going.)

ID: I have to admit, I thought the game was over when the Vikings recovered at, like what, our ten yard line. Then the ball slipped right through the receivers fingers and into ours. I never saw a fat man run so fast. Well, actually didn't I see something similar in the last Super Bowl?

You are pretty bold and kind of funny. You don't know me, and you just throw it out there. Does that work for you a lot or is it kind of hit and miss?

(I am pretending that I know anything about football. Boys like that right?)

SM: I only like to go out with the smart ones. The dumb ones get offended.......... so are you game to go out or do people say that you're just alittle slow?

(This guy is a little full of himself. He thinks he is intelligent, and maybe he is. However, he thinks that makes him better than others. I don't feel much kind compassion emanating from this being.)

ID: Every fiber in my being tells me you are a megalomaniacal mess and a huge mistake. So, when do you want to take me out.

(I am trying my hand at humor here.)

SM: Ya........ I don't make things bigger than they are.........that's something we can discuss on Thursday bout 7 at windsock bar

ID: The windsock at 7? oo. I want to say yes, but that just isn't going to work for me. I am available Monday. Whaddaya say?

SM: Don't know........ we'll see

Is it me, or does anybody else read into this that he is a little disappointed that I won't do what he wants. I am not so sure I can call this one a winner. I can't definitely say I won't be calling this one period. He just puts me off with brand of humor. I love smart asses, but I just felt he condescends to me and I deserve better.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Frankie Says Relax...

There is something I have been thinking about for about a week now. I tried to kick the idea around with my therapist, but we were so out of time. So I will kick the idea around with you.

I am on a no sex embargo, and I mean sex in all of its forms. Since puberty, maybe a few years before, I have been interested in boys, and kissing and touching and whatever else. I have used sex to get attention, to make me feel better, because I thought I should. I always get into it too early into a relationship and often it is a base for many of my previous relationships. I think it is time to free myself a little. I need a little breathing room and a little time to learn a little more about a more naked me.

I am giving up on talking about sex, doing it, over the clothes stuff, masturbation, all of it. I think it is going to be interesting. I can't be sure exactly how this experiment is going to go off. I think it may be almost like a spiritual experience for me. It may only last a week before I bust out "The Machine". I have packed up all my toys as a sort of symbolic gesture. I have no idea what is going to happen. My hope is that I will grow somehow from this. I think it may be a bit spiritual. We will see.

Keeping you posted,

Monday, November 2, 2009

Chatting it up...

I have been becoming reacquainted with some old flames and crushes on FB. It is interesting how a word from a practical stranger can send you. I still get the jitters when I speak with that beau from college. The one that was the heavyweight on the wrestling team and I embarrassed myself with my lovemaking vocals (totally fake. I can admit that now). Then there is that boy I used to chase around the room in 4th grade. In High School when hormones are raging full force, he was the popular nerd, and oh so strangely handsome to me. How I yearned for his Vulcan grip. ;)

Sometimes it isn't even an instant message conversation. Sometimes my longing is read from beyond minutes and across miles in a quick photo comment from one of Them. Like, the musician who would sing his sweet songs and read his poetry. One day he had to send me away, but he brought me back again. A little tickle of a note here or a comment there and I am back five years ago and seven years before that to when I was a waitress in my mothers coffee shop. Almost every weekend and every night in the summer time, a young group of boys would come into the shop. The Musician was among them.

I was 23 and he was 18 and I wanted every inch of him. He wrote me poems on place mats and mused how the creamer made shapes in his coffee. He was in a band, and dark, and intelligent, and I wanted to corrupt him. Nothing ever happened, then. The shop closed down and I never really saw him. Seven years later I am set up on a date. Guess who? I was floored, but I was going to be so cool. In the beginning, I was. I played it aloof and he took the bait. However, this fishergirl soon became chum for the sharks.

I never really felt comfortable around the guy. Oh he was kind enough alright and we had a good time, but I was so intimidated by him. I had problems even looking him in the eye. He was SO smart and I felt that I couldn't measure up. Soon, the relationship fizzled and I moved out here. We friended each other on MySpace for awhile until he took down his page, and here I found him on FB recently. I will admit I made the initial contact, but my discovery seemed to come to his delight as well.

He is married, with children, as with all my FB crushes. It is safe to say that I will never be making the 2,000 mile journey to rendezvous in a laundry mat with any of these boys. It is also safe to say that I feel safe being a little flirtatious with these unavailable men. I know it could never go anywhere. Maybe that just makes me want them all the more.

Saturday, October 31, 2009


It is a dateless Halloween for ID. I can't say that I am too upset about that. I am going to be hanging out with Inky and Wildfire and players to be named later. I am sure it won't be a lonely night for me. The costume is sexy, my body is in better shape, I feel healthy. Yeah, I think tonight is going to be a good night. L'chaim!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

swimming in my head.

I have been obsessing about The Ex lately. I have been googling his name, checking out some of his domains, even thinking about him in my fantasies. It is odd how it seems that so much time can go by and I don't think about him once, and then something happens-an email, a photograph, a memory-and I am off in his world. It seems to be a cycle for me but one that seems to have a longer rotation each time around. I look to my friends for help and support. Sometimes I turn to my family.

I let him go more and more all the time, but i occasionally allow him to dig in his nails and teeth into my reason. I called Inky last night when I was having a particularly rough moment after looking at his domain registry and seeing that he finally deleted the website that was our names and purchased on with his and the Blonde's. Inky said to me so honestly:

You are the one making yourself feel bad. You need to stop doing this to yourself.

It is obvious he is over you. You need to get over him.

How pathetic of him to own that site after only knowing her for a short time.

This last one stung because in my mind he actions mean that he has found his soulmate. He bought that domain because he has that connection with her; he feels there might be something lasting there, at least as long as a year's domain name registration. I thought he was my soulmate. Sometimes I still try to make sense of what happened to us. A lot of the time I come up with it was meant to be. Sometimes I come up wondering what it was I did to drive him away. I try not to care. I try not to judge it all I just try to accept that it all happened and this is my life now. It is just that sometimes i fell that my life now is just too lonely to bear. Ah well. This too shall pass.

[additional thought]

My relationship with him, it wasn't always good. It seemed good a lot, but it wasn't always. I reflect on who and how I was with him and I realize I let go of much of who I am. I lost me somewhere along the way, and it truly became about him. I do feel that contributed to an end. It, in a way, wasn't honest. A relationship that is dishonest has a fungal rot that eventually eats away at the core until nothing is left but molded splinters. Yet, the decay restocks the earth and something is born. I learned something about myself. I feel now I know a little more about what I want in a relationship and what I want to get out of one. I have come out different than who I was when in I went. The experience has changed me forever.

I don't feel that I am ready yet for any type of serious commitment. I still have much more to learn and love about me. While on my journey, however, I don't mind dipping my toe in the pool. I may even occasionally bellyflop. It is a bit easier to breathe now. I am going to be just fine.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Pelo Largo

There is this fine, tall drink of water that I have had my eye on for sometime. A few weeks ago we spent some time hanging out and talking after a chance meeting at a local coffee / wine cafe. I ended up kissing him. Just a little no tongue peck. Well, two little pecks.

I have seen him here and there since then. I tried to play it cool; though, it has been a bit awkward. I have always been the aggressor in our "relationship". It really isn't any kind of relationship at all. It is me flirting and mostly admiring him from afar. Occassionally I get the cojones to say something stupid. Honestly at the moment it seems like such a good idea. Tonight I saw him on FB and the idiocy ensues.


you know i am here at home feeling pretty sick. i think i need an injection ;P

8:24pmPelo Largo

poor thing!


i am a poor pitiful thing right now. i have been quarantined to my house. no fun for [I.D.] who loves to socialize.

8:34pmPelo Largo

its fun to have fun but you've got to know how!


I know some good games we could play, I know some new tricks, A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you

8:53pmPelo Largo

can we put it on youtube?


i don't think we need to be all that public but our own video isn't out of the question.

8:55pmPelo Largo

i dunnoi...might end up on a vh1 special some day!


or at the very least an e. true hollywood story.

Inky Pink tells me I need to stop doing things that are going to make it more uncomfortable between us. She is right; I know she is. However, gosh, I just can't help myself. I don't see this guy as someone to date just more of a conquest that I must have.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Boston and U2

So I only have two words to describe last night ... guilt fellatio.

That being said, let's begin at the beginning. I arrive at the concert to meet Boston and I am about a half hour late. I was in bumper to bumper to get in. It was awful. I sneak in a flask of Captain Morgan's in my jeans and after two large diet cokes the flask is empty. Boston and I are laughing and having a good time. That is until my mouth gets in the way. You see, something that you must know about me is that sometimes I can be a bit too honest and open. Sometimes I say things and share tidbits that are just better left unsaid. Add alcohol and a mild pharmaceutical relaxer into the mix and my mouth becomes a spigot of inane spewings for which there is no shut off valve.

We have just sat through the Black Eyed Peas, opening for U2. The lights are up and everyone is talking, taking bathroom breaks and getting concessions. Boston and I are discussing my new tattoo that you can sort of see through the small tear in my jeans. I tell him that he will get to see it later. ONLY meaning that I know we are sharing a hotel room and I know when I put on my jammies and we are not in public I would love to show it off. He laughs and says, "I didn't think it was going to be that easy. I thought I was going to have to work for it."

I laugh and immediately think of the poll I put up yesterday. Inside my head somewhere I thought it was a good idea to share this information. So I chime, "It is funny you should say that. I actually put a poll up on this blog that I have going on whether we should have sex tonight." As it comes out of my mouth I truly think this is a harmless, kind of fun thing. It is flirty. The poll is playful. I expect his reaction to be something like oh yeah? And how did I do or So what is the verdict. However, in the specs of time that dragged on after those cursed words dripped from my lips, I see that his real reaction differs greatly from my imagined one.

His first words were, "Oh, that's nice. Whatever."

I think maybe he is joking. I am still thinking this is really no big deal. It is funny. "Are you serious? Are you mad?"

"Yeah I am mad. That is so lame."

I try my best to put out the fire and desperately wish I had a flux capacitor and a Delorean. "Don't be mad. I didn't tell you because I thought you were going to get upset. I told you cause it's fun. It's funny"

"Yeah, maybe for you. Everyone we know reads this and knows about me. That is so weak."

"No it's not like that." I have to admit I have told Detroit about the blog but I don't think he really reads it. I never thought that this was going to swing so far out of my favor. I swear if I think about the look of anger and bewilderment on his face makes me want to cry AGAIN. "Please can we just forget about this. Let's not this ruin our night."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just stop talking about it."

We sit in awkward silence for a moment and thankfully U2 comes on the break the stifling tension. Sitting there I begin to think about what I said, wishing I hadn't. I wished not to be there and hoped I really wasn't. The more I wished the worse I felt until I began to feel the sting of tears in my eyes. I am now telling myself not to cry. I am begging myself not to make this situation any more miserable than it is. But it cannot be helped. In the noise of the stadium and my mind I begin to weep. Almost immediately Boston turns to me and says, "Tears don't work on me and if you don't smile I am going to punch you in your boob."

This does little to help, but at least I think he isn't piping mad anymore. Soon he reaches over and caresses my knee and holds my hand. It takes many songs and most of the concert, but I begin to recover.

When One came on, he pulled me to him as we stood. He put his hands on my hips and laced his fingers with mine. We swayed to the beat of the song and I began to weep again. I was a hot mess inside my mind but I didn't want to harp or exacerbate the situation, so I went with it.

Soon the concert was over. We went out into the parking lot and drank wine while we waited for the long line of cars to clear. We danced sweetly to Nat King Cole's Love. He followed me to the hotel, us both guided by my GPS. We were laughing again and I had almost completely forgot about my earlier faux pas. I was betting so did he.

Up in the room we decided it was too late, 1:30 AM, to walk to any bars. We cracked open the second bottle of wine. Before long we were kissing. Soon, I apologized for saying anything - not for having the blog. He asked who honestly knew about it. I told him Detroit was really the only one we both knew. Some more tongue tango and we found ourselves into a mammoth make-out session that, without going into every detail, ended with, well, see the first line of this post.

Before we drifted off to sleep, I do remember us having a brief discussion about him standing me up for the football game. He says that he doesn't remember making plans. I recount to him every detail of the phone conversation when we made plans. I am pretty sure I said it doesn't matter now anyway. I am pretty sure I feel that maybe we are even. Actually, maybe he does have one up on me.

This morning, we woke up at almost 11 and headed out to lunch. We had sushi at Ra, walked around Tempe, has a refreshing sweet treat at Mojo Yogurt. It was a lovely afternoon and I enjoyed getting to know him better. We said our goodbyes and I headed back home. He did the same. He said that he, Detroit and the boys are coming to Prescott for Halloween. I think that would be fun. We will see.

I almost didn't blog about this, because I was so embarrassed. I almost didn't share; however, what is the fun and the honesty in that? Also, just so everyone knows since I have deleted the poll, the result was a tie between Let him get you off and then roll over and say you are tired. and Don't make a decision now. Just see where the moment and the tequilla take you. I hope you enjoy.

Happy to be home,

Monday, October 19, 2009

You decide my fate

Ok folks. I am torn here about my date with Boston tomorrow and I need your help. If you are unfamiliar with the situation please read the following entries:

A Long Lost Crush
Boston Stays Home...
Boston is a Tool
Boston WTF

Let's face it. I am a woman. I have needs. However, at the same time I think that I need to punish this little twerp for his prior transgression. And yet on a whole other level, I have gone this long without any nookie, I have to wonder how long I can go. I am stuck between a cock and a hard place. I mean rather a rock and my O face. Er, wait that wasn't right either. I think you get it though.

Take a gander to the right. I have placed a nice little voting poll for you out there in blogger land. The fate of my body is in your twitchy typing fingers. Ooh. I feel dirty

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The dead rise

I got an email yesterday from the ex. it read:

I am sure you are back in school and busy, I am really busy and time is flying by. Just wanted to let you know I mailed you a check for the moped payment. If you could do me a favor and not deposit it until friday when I get paid that would be appreciated. Next month I will start a direct payment on the 10th for $50, but I am in the processs of switching banks so just sent a regular check this month. I know this moped thing kind of sucks and I appreciate you working this out with me, money has been tight and I am like a slowly sinking ship. I just consilidated all my credit card debt so after this month things should get better and like I said I will just send you the $50 on the 10th automatically. Hope all is well with you and the animals and that you are enjoying this nice weather. Don't feel obligated to write back if hearing from me is akward, just wanted to give you a heads up.

[The Ex]

Before, when I would receive emails from him, a wave of panic would wash over me. My chest would tighten and the lump in my throat would begin to strangle my stomach. It was all too much for me to bear. This time, I smiled. I took glee in the "sinking ship" his life has become. I am not sure that is right, but it feels good not to be in so much pain. It feels good not to be the one that is feeling the crunch. I swiftly sent back my breezy reply. Perhaps he expected me not to.

[The Ex]:

No problem. I don't blame you for switching banks. I have been working on doing that myself. BOA blows chunks. I am actually off this week (fall break); so, I am not really busy at all. I am just doing stuff I want to, which is nice. Though, homework for NAU is not always something I enjoy.

I never cash checks right away anyway, but do you mean this Friday or next Friday?

Try to keep your head above water. You will come out on top. You always do.


The email was perfect. It said everything that I wanted it to. I don't need your money. I don't really miss you. I am doing just fine. And I feel a little sorry for you. Of course being the gossip queen that I am, I forwarded on the emails to my girls Wildfire and Inky Pink. Wildfire thought I was totally being too nice. In fact, she had this to say:

You are too nice! He never comes out on top. In fact, he only comes out if a woman pulls him out. I know this is hard for you but you are so much better off without him. ... let that whore take care of him; i can assure you that she doesn't compare to you. you are worth more than he could ever give you. just think...he said he consilidated (sic) his debt and that he is like a "sinking ship". THANK GOD that you are not involved in that. YOU are the one that has come out on top! I hope you see that!!

What are friends for. :) She is great. All of my friends have been so strong for me when I couldn't be for myself. Inky Pink and I were messaging about the whole thing and I did wonder if he regrets leaving me. I wondered if he remembers how good he had it once. Inky assured me that it sorta sounds like his does. However, whether he does or not, it doesn't matter. Each day for me is a little easier. Sure I still cry sometimes because i miss the companionship. On occasion, his ghost still haunts this house where we used to live together. I still call my mom and want comfort from being alone. Nevertheless, each minute that passes is one where he is further removed from my life and I am so much better off without him.

So, smiling from ear to ear I decided to share with all of you. It's a grrreat day!

Leaving them in the dust,

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Boston WTF

This week is my fall break from work. I have made plans to go to take a three day trip to Laughlin to hang out with some old friends there and celebrate Detroit's birthday. Thursday night last Boston gives me jingle. I miss the call, but he leaves me a message. It is all small talk and whatnot. He asks how I am, tells me he hears I am coming into town, lets me know he would like to hang out. We run in the same circle of friends up there, so I am sure I will run into him. He never mentions the fact that he and I were to go to a football game together and he totally blew me off. I find the situation interesting.

I seek the advice of Inky Pink. She tells me to play it cool. I play it like Fonzi. I wait until Sunday to call him back. I actually don't believe he is going to answer the phone because I know he is hanging out with Detroit watching football. He proves me wrong. "Hey girl," he cheerily chirps into the phone.

"Hey, [Boston]. How are you?"

"Can't complain. I hear you are coming into town. When? Tuesday? So, you are going to catch our softball game, right. And you know later that night we are going to see Zombieland. It's going to be sick."

"Yup. All of that is true." I am cool whip at this point. We talk for just a few minutes. I tell him I have to run. I don't have anything really to do, but I don't want to give this guy any more than he deserves.

Monday I am scrambling trying to finalize plans for a house sitter. I can't find anyone. I text Detroit and tell him I can't make it into town, but wish him a happy birthday nonetheless. I am riding the Facebook wave when Boston instant messages me.

I hear you are the kind of girl who would be interested in going to a U2 concert with me in Phoenix on the 20th.

I am stupefied. Who is this man? Where does he get the nerve? First he completely blows me off. Then he plays like nothing happened. Now he is asking me out on what, a date? I am tempted to reply snidely making a comment about how I would love to go, but is he sure he is going to show up. Instead, I figure I have the upper hand anyway so I should just go with it.

You heard right. I am absolutely that girl.

He replies, Great. It is a date.

I was right. He is asking me out. We message a little longer and make plans to meet at the gate and to spend the night in Phoenix. He tells me he will take care of everything. I tell him to make sure to get a room with two beds. I may be going on eight months with no sex and pretty hard up at this point, but I am not even about to make it that easy for him. I don't really know what angle he is playing, but I am not going to let my guard down. I crushed on this guy and he threw me away. Now the tables have turned seemingly. I still stand by my philosophy though. The shittier you treat a guy, the better he treats you.

So, Tuesday night I will be in Phoenix listening to the Black Eyed Peas open up for U2. I got that boom boom pow.

Wiping them off the bottom of my shoe,

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dirk Diggler

I went on a date tonight with a guy I met through a new dating service. we planned to meet at a little hole in the wall with reputable good food. He raved about their tuna fried steak. I thought that it sounded a bit bizarre, but what the heck. I arrive and he is waiting outside to greet me. A nice hug and a clean smile and I am already thinking, "not too bad"

We sit down to eat at a nice quiet corner table and I can tell this guy is a bit nervous. He has a nice, slender athletic build to him. he has warm brown eyes and a bit of a weathered face-not Kramer in the Marlboro Man episode, but some deeper laugh lines. Aging always looks better on men, those bastards. The more I look at him, the more I realize he looks like someone I have seen before. All of a sudden, it hits me. He looks like Mark Wahlberg and his hair looks like Mark's in Boogie Nights-total seventies porn.

Dinner arrives and I am so excited to dig into tuna fried steak. Upon the first bite, my mouth bursts into flames. It is here that I must explain that I have ulcers (gross, I know), and I CANNOT eat spicy foods. This lovely crusted tuna apparently comes with a jalapeño cream sauce. I immediately call the waitress over and order a glass of milk. I am going to get through this, after all, I have a salad and mashed potatoes to eat too. Though, the food gods have played a cruel joke on I.D. The potatoes have fresh jalapeños mixed in and the salad has a kicky chipoltle dressing. I am truly dying and expect that sometime later in the evening I will find myself in crippling pain on the cool linoleum floor on my bathroom.

My date apologizes profusely. I explain that there is no need to apologize. I totally ordered on his suggestion, yes, but I didn't think enough to look at the menu or even ask how it was prepared. It was truly my fault, but it wasn't the best start to a date. I suggest that we take off and try a different atmosphere.

From the Iron Springs Cafe, we went to the Raven. there is some cool jazz music playing and I buy us a couple of Deliriums. He wouldn't let me pay for dinner, so I thought it only fair. I am not one of those that expect my date pay for everything. I had a couple of drinks and we laughed and talked. After drink number two and a detailed conversation about his crane vs snake tattoo, I couldn't help but stare at that mop on his head. What was he thinking? I tousle his hair and make some offhand (possibly rude comment) about the lack of style. He then tells me that he just got his hair cut yesterday. I have to think to myself, this man chose to look like this. Wow! I sure know how to pick 'em.

As I am talking to him, I keep sniffing the air. At first, I am not sure if my senses are off or if it is true. After about three whiffs, my suspicions are confirmed. My date has halitosis. If you out there know anything about me, you know bad breath is such a deal breaker; however, I am not above telling someone they need to floss. But maybe I will wait until the second date, if there ever is one.

Later, he takes me back to my car at the Iron Springs Cafe. Outside I get a hug amid the smell of rotting garbage eminating from the dumpsters. Thankfully the beers we had drowned the bad breath germs D.D. had swimming around in his mouth or I may have heaved on the asphalt. As I am rushing to unlock my car and get inside where the smell of "cat butt" air freshener far surpasses the olfactory travesties happening in the night air, he hollers out, "can I call you?" I agree and down the street I roll.

When I get home, I check my messages. I forgot my phone on the coffee table. There are several messages from my girl Inky Pink. I was supposed to meet her at the gym, but I got caught up in conversation. Her messages read:

How's your date?

Heading to the gym in a bit :)

Ok I'm nervous. Where r u? R u ok? I don't know the dude you are on a date with...

Too cute, right. I tell her that I am fine and that I did have fun but my date had stinky breath. She agrees that Halitosis is such a deal breaker.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Dating Services Are Demanding

I belong to three online dating services now. I am not quite sure if this is pathetic or ambitious. Whatever it is, it is more work than fun at times. Everyday I get some email or nudge or interested party. I need an extra hour in the day just to keep up with all the communication and silly question answering. I really am not sure I even want to get into the quality of men that are on these sites; however, I am the indiscriminate dater so I will.

It seems that I mostly attract either hicks, old men (my girl Wildfire would appreciate them), or these young boys-mid twenties young not 19 year old young. There was a time in my life not that long ago that a romp with a 19 year old seemed fun and I even ventured into that arena, but truth be told they are just too eager. I want a lover with a slow hand as the song goes. I digress. These "men" that are attracted to me makes me question myself a bit. The pictures I have up are cute ones of me. I describe myself warmly and accurately. I am pretty specific about the criteria I have for the man I am looking for-early to late thirties, makes $50 T or more a year, preferably no kids, cares about his body and how he presents himself. Even with this I seem to get these welfare case Gomers working at the Chicken Spit that are divorced with live in kids and have apparently eaten their first wife. What gives? Karma have I not been good enough? Do I need to return to my Catholic roots and do some penance for some long lost sin I committed and forgot to confess to Father Higgins?

The irony is that as my name suggests, I should be willing to go out with anyone. To be honest, that is not entirely true. I have to be somewhat choosy. I fear I would tire myself out if I wasn't. There is only so much of I.D. to go around and I am not that much of a masochist to subject myself to the likes of the endless belly button depth wife-beater wearing.

Now, don't you shed a tear for tough, little old me. I have found some rays of hope at the end of this long tunnel. True, it may just be a train barreling down on me, but I am a glass half full kind of gal. I am going on a date tomorrow evening with a young feller I met on such a seemingly hopeless site for the apparent rejects of the dating world. Mind you, I do remember that I am one of the lonely rejected. He seems sweet. I don't know all that much about him other than he is into martial arts, riding motorcycles and cats. I am not sure how that reads. I do think there needs to be something said for a man that chooses cats over dogs.

We are going to a place I have never been before. He tells me the "country fried tuna" is to die for. I am afraid I might die after I eat it, but you only live once, right. I am a little fearful, but I do find it endearing that this man wants to take me to a hole in the wall on our first date. I am thinking either thinks outside the box or hillbilly. Only time will tell. If I am not suffering from severe intestinal trauma, I will be sure to tell you all about the date tomorrow.

Packing Tums,