Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
you know i am here at home feeling pretty sick. i think i need an injection ;P
i am a poor pitiful thing right now. i have been quarantined to my house. no fun for [I.D.] who loves to socialize.
its fun to have fun but you've got to know how!
I know some good games we could play, I know some new tricks, A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you
can we put it on youtube?
i don't think we need to be all that public but our own video isn't out of the question.
i dunnoi...might end up on a vh1 special some day!
or at the very least an e. true hollywood story.
Inky Pink tells me I need to stop doing things that are going to make it more uncomfortable between us. She is right; I know she is. However, gosh, I just can't help myself. I don't see this guy as someone to date just more of a conquest that I must have.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
That being said, let's begin at the beginning. I arrive at the concert to meet Boston and I am about a half hour late. I was in bumper to bumper to get in. It was awful. I sneak in a flask of Captain Morgan's in my jeans and after two large diet cokes the flask is empty. Boston and I are laughing and having a good time. That is until my mouth gets in the way. You see, something that you must know about me is that sometimes I can be a bit too honest and open. Sometimes I say things and share tidbits that are just better left unsaid. Add alcohol and a mild pharmaceutical relaxer into the mix and my mouth becomes a spigot of inane spewings for which there is no shut off valve.
We have just sat through the Black Eyed Peas, opening for U2. The lights are up and everyone is talking, taking bathroom breaks and getting concessions. Boston and I are discussing my new tattoo that you can sort of see through the small tear in my jeans. I tell him that he will get to see it later. ONLY meaning that I know we are sharing a hotel room and I know when I put on my jammies and we are not in public I would love to show it off. He laughs and says, "I didn't think it was going to be that easy. I thought I was going to have to work for it."
I laugh and immediately think of the poll I put up yesterday. Inside my head somewhere I thought it was a good idea to share this information. So I chime, "It is funny you should say that. I actually put a poll up on this blog that I have going on whether we should have sex tonight." As it comes out of my mouth I truly think this is a harmless, kind of fun thing. It is flirty. The poll is playful. I expect his reaction to be something like oh yeah? And how did I do or So what is the verdict. However, in the specs of time that dragged on after those cursed words dripped from my lips, I see that his real reaction differs greatly from my imagined one.
Monday, October 19, 2009
A Long Lost Crush
Boston Stays Home...
Boston is a Tool
Let's face it. I am a woman. I have needs. However, at the same time I think that I need to punish this little twerp for his prior transgression. And yet on a whole other level, I have gone this long without any nookie, I have to wonder how long I can go. I am stuck between a cock and a hard place. I mean rather a rock and my O face. Er, wait that wasn't right either. I think you get it though.
Take a gander to the right. I have placed a nice little voting poll for you out there in blogger land. The fate of my body is in your twitchy typing fingers. Ooh. I feel dirty
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
We sit down to eat at a nice quiet corner table and I can tell this guy is a bit nervous. He has a nice, slender athletic build to him. he has warm brown eyes and a bit of a weathered face-not Kramer in the Marlboro Man episode, but some deeper laugh lines. Aging always looks better on men, those bastards. The more I look at him, the more I realize he looks like someone I have seen before. All of a sudden, it hits me. He looks like Mark Wahlberg and his hair looks like Mark's in Boogie Nights-total seventies porn.
Dinner arrives and I am so excited to dig into tuna fried steak. Upon the first bite, my mouth bursts into flames. It is here that I must explain that I have ulcers (gross, I know), and I CANNOT eat spicy foods. This lovely crusted tuna apparently comes with a jalapeño cream sauce. I immediately call the waitress over and order a glass of milk. I am going to get through this, after all, I have a salad and mashed potatoes to eat too. Though, the food gods have played a cruel joke on I.D. The potatoes have fresh jalapeños mixed in and the salad has a kicky chipoltle dressing. I am truly dying and expect that sometime later in the evening I will find myself in crippling pain on the cool linoleum floor on my bathroom.
My date apologizes profusely. I explain that there is no need to apologize. I totally ordered on his suggestion, yes, but I didn't think enough to look at the menu or even ask how it was prepared. It was truly my fault, but it wasn't the best start to a date. I suggest that we take off and try a different atmosphere.
From the Iron Springs Cafe, we went to the Raven. there is some cool jazz music playing and I buy us a couple of Deliriums. He wouldn't let me pay for dinner, so I thought it only fair. I am not one of those that expect my date pay for everything. I had a couple of drinks and we laughed and talked. After drink number two and a detailed conversation about his crane vs snake tattoo, I couldn't help but stare at that mop on his head. What was he thinking? I tousle his hair and make some offhand (possibly rude comment) about the lack of style. He then tells me that he just got his hair cut yesterday. I have to think to myself, this man chose to look like this. Wow! I sure know how to pick 'em.
Later, he takes me back to my car at the Iron Springs Cafe. Outside I get a hug amid the smell of rotting garbage eminating from the dumpsters. Thankfully the beers we had drowned the bad breath germs D.D. had swimming around in his mouth or I may have heaved on the asphalt. As I am rushing to unlock my car and get inside where the smell of "cat butt" air freshener far surpasses the olfactory travesties happening in the night air, he hollers out, "can I call you?" I agree and down the street I roll.
When I get home, I check my messages. I forgot my phone on the coffee table. There are several messages from my girl Inky Pink. I was supposed to meet her at the gym, but I got caught up in conversation. Her messages read:
How's your date?
Heading to the gym in a bit :)
Ok I'm nervous. Where r u? R u ok? I don't know the dude you are on a date with...
Too cute, right. I tell her that I am fine and that I did have fun but my date had stinky breath. She agrees that Halitosis is such a deal breaker.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
by e e cummings
may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she
(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she
(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)
may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she
may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she
but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she
(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)
Today is Thursday, I haven't given that mop headed mess a second thought since that night, and this is where the story gets interesting.
I am sitting in class today working on some grades as the kids are working on the computers and my phone goes off with a text message. What ensues from that moment can only be described as the mad ramblings of a deranged man as he slowly becomes unhinged over what I can only guess is the realization that we are never going to be.
Curly: Well, I don't seem to find myself available on Fridays for a quick lunch, but can we catch a happy hour.
I.D.: I am heading to Phoenix tomorrow for a tattoo.
Curly: Some other time though? Your recent RARE public display of affection makes me want to chase a little. I can just be your pal though.
I.D.: Oh, I was tipsy and it was just a peck
Curly: So tell me to keep chasing or go away. I thought we clicked. I can't read you.
(Several minutes goes by between that text message and the next one as I am teaching my class and don't have all the time in the world to entertain the needy.)
Curly: Cool...got it
(I am irritated by this. I don't like text message sarcasm and I cannot stand impatience; however, his behavior makes my little bull of tetchiness rear her ugly head.)
I.D.: I am teaching. I am sorry if I cannot respond immediately. I do work during the day if you recall.
Curly: Then don't respond.
I.D.: Well, you need not get so upset when I don't. I'll eventually get to things. So, in response to your last message, we did click and have fun. It's just that I am only looking for fun. That's really it. Not sex fun, just fun fun. I don't want anything too serious. I felt a little frightened away by you, I guess. I liked you. You were cool, but I am still dealing with me right now. I will not put up with this behavior from you. Thanks for the laughs. I am sure that I will see you around.
Curly: Oh, please, like I have any of that horse shit to offer. Goodbye.
Curly: Thanks for reminding me why I don't go out.
I.D.: Now, don't be cruel. We said our goodbyes. Go out with grace.
Curly: Grow up!
(I did not respond at this point. I had said all I wanted and needed to. However, several seconds later, my phone goes off again.)
Curly: I guess you are in high school.
That was the last of it, I hope. I have to admit, I am a little unnerved by the 180 this guy pulled during the message exchange. Of course almost immediately I called my girl Inky Pink from across the hall over to tell her about everything. I swear, how my students ever learn anything is beyond me.
Breaking hearts and making monsters,