Monday, November 2, 2009

Chatting it up...

I have been becoming reacquainted with some old flames and crushes on FB. It is interesting how a word from a practical stranger can send you. I still get the jitters when I speak with that beau from college. The one that was the heavyweight on the wrestling team and I embarrassed myself with my lovemaking vocals (totally fake. I can admit that now). Then there is that boy I used to chase around the room in 4th grade. In High School when hormones are raging full force, he was the popular nerd, and oh so strangely handsome to me. How I yearned for his Vulcan grip. ;)

Sometimes it isn't even an instant message conversation. Sometimes my longing is read from beyond minutes and across miles in a quick photo comment from one of Them. Like, the musician who would sing his sweet songs and read his poetry. One day he had to send me away, but he brought me back again. A little tickle of a note here or a comment there and I am back five years ago and seven years before that to when I was a waitress in my mothers coffee shop. Almost every weekend and every night in the summer time, a young group of boys would come into the shop. The Musician was among them.

I was 23 and he was 18 and I wanted every inch of him. He wrote me poems on place mats and mused how the creamer made shapes in his coffee. He was in a band, and dark, and intelligent, and I wanted to corrupt him. Nothing ever happened, then. The shop closed down and I never really saw him. Seven years later I am set up on a date. Guess who? I was floored, but I was going to be so cool. In the beginning, I was. I played it aloof and he took the bait. However, this fishergirl soon became chum for the sharks.

I never really felt comfortable around the guy. Oh he was kind enough alright and we had a good time, but I was so intimidated by him. I had problems even looking him in the eye. He was SO smart and I felt that I couldn't measure up. Soon, the relationship fizzled and I moved out here. We friended each other on MySpace for awhile until he took down his page, and here I found him on FB recently. I will admit I made the initial contact, but my discovery seemed to come to his delight as well.

He is married, with children, as with all my FB crushes. It is safe to say that I will never be making the 2,000 mile journey to rendezvous in a laundry mat with any of these boys. It is also safe to say that I feel safe being a little flirtatious with these unavailable men. I know it could never go anywhere. Maybe that just makes me want them all the more.

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