anyway, i met up with him at joe's. he had been getting his drink on since about 8:30. i arrived at 10. i bought him a beer and a shot for the event. we went back to his place to chill. he just moved into a shoebox right over the hill from my place. we laughed and talked and played with the doggies. sitting on the couch watching him i wanted him to kiss me. i wanted him to reach over and lay a soft peck on my lips. the mood and moment were so right. how did i go from only seeing this guy as a friend to wanting to make out with him, i don't know.
he is not conventionally handsome. he isn't unattractive either, he just isn't make you stop your car and cause an accident hot. he is average. he is smaller in stature (what is up with me and the little guys?) he lives meagerly, and learning of his "dumpster diving" is horrifying to me. he doesn't have a degree (yet). he moves around a lot and calls no place home. the closest is chicago where he grew up. he is all wrong wrong wrong. but still i find myself liking him.
it isn't a i am blown away by you like. it is more of a quiet whisper. it is a curiosity. oh but sitting on his tiny couch with two dogs between us, how i wanted that kiss.
i could see he was fading, and that was my cue to leave. i began my retreat. i picked up my things, headed to the door, hugged him goodbye. then something came over me. pulling out of the hug i found my hand in his. i said out loud, "my apologies, i just have to do this." i went for it. i cupped his face in my hands and i kissed him-a little tongue, a little kiss. his hands moved to my waist. it was nice. it wasn't mind numbing. it wasn't earth shattering. it was nice. i pulled away and he wobbled on his feet. he literally almost fell over. i would like to think my kiss made his knees weak, but i am going with alcohol on this one.
"happy birthday," were my last words, and i was out the door. i don't even think i heard a reply.
back at home in my big bed with my own dog pressing against me for heat, stupidly smiling, i drifted off.