See, I am a slow to open up in a way. I am sort of shy and awkward at first in bed. I lack a confidence. That is until you get me warmed up, but I can only go as far as my partner will take me. I am not really an initiator, an explorer, but I so want to be. I am sort of a good girl that wants to be bad. Nah. I am not really that good. Just inexperienced.
I have had what I consider to be a lot of sex in my life, but not a lot of right sex. I mostly never really got sex and seldom really enjoyed it. I am a pleaser and I get arousal from a man getting off, but still, when some guy is just grunting and thrusting on top of you and it sort of is uncomfortable, even when he climaxes, it isn't that thrilling.
I never really open my mouth and asked for what I want. I am too embarassed to. It shouldn't be that way though. Sex should be a shared experience. It is about intimacy and openness with another person. As I mature, I try to ask for this or that, but still I am so stifled by some sort of shame.
When I was with Ex, I would make suggestions or say things or maybe sort of venture into the realms of deviancy, but he wasn't really there with me. I mean in four years, he never really put his hands on my pussy and I can count the number of times he went down on me on one hand and the amount of minutes on the other. I mean he had some mean hip action, but that was about it for us.
Now this guy, this little play thing, is amazing. He makes me feel so sexy, and I want to be adventurous with him. I feel open and comfortable and a willing participant. I still don't think I am too vocal about what I want, but I don't really need to be. He just knows. It is like he was made out of sex clay just for ID.