Tuesday, January 19, 2010

No Longer Undecided.

First, I would like to begin this post by announcing the new name of Nature Boy. He from this moment will be known as Koala. This name was originally bestowed upon him by Inky and is, I must say, quite fitting. Thanks, Ink.

That being said, let us commence with the gory details of an adult conversation about the ending of a romantic relationship.

I spent the past few days with Koala. He and I took a great trip up north. He is a fantastic travel companion, and I stand by my word when I say he is a blast to hang out with. Over the trip, I made the decision that I for sure did not see a future with this man. There are so many factors for this. Some of them may make me sound pretentious or petty and some are just awkward, bumpy clashes in the nooky department.

Tonight, K Dawg came over to hang out and do some laundry. I was terrified to have this conversation with him. It must be said that I don't usually have this conversation. I usually avoid the dude and hope he gets the hint. However, I enjoy Koala's company, I feel he deserves my respect, and it is just the right, adult thing to do.

I decided that when he reached for me is when I would pounce with my pungent news. I cleverly avoided him all night. It was just about time for my company to leave when he walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"It is time we talk," I said immediately. I had been rehearsing my lines all night.

"About what?"

"About this. About us."

I sat him on the couch and turned down the music. "Yeah, it is that serious," I said with a smile, trying to be a little light, feeling the tension. "You asked me once that when I make a decision about you to make it once. Well, I made a decision. I don't see us having a future as a romantic couple. I know that I have taken your for a ride, and I apologize, but I was truly conflicted about my feelings for you. No more cute flirty conversations or touches from here on. However, I do so enjoy your company. I have said that many times, and that is true. I would like for us to still hang out and have adventures. I think we have the makings of a strong and fun friendship. I don't need you to say anything now. I understand if you want some time to digest all of this and meditate on the situation. It would be cool if you hung out a little longer, but I understand if you need to leave right now." I ended my speech by looking into his eyes, caramel orbs sitting in murky skin. I had been looking at the plaid pattern on my trousers until then.

I saw a corner of his mouth lift, a vain attempt to let me know it was ok. I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel like I needed to be reassured. I was comfortable with my decision. I was honest about how I felt. I made a conscious choice. I may have dinged someone's heart in the process, but it was never intentional.

This is my journey. I will meet souls along the way that either vibe with me or they don't. I can't make excuses or exceptions in my life any longer.

He stayed maybe a half hour more before he left. We talked about a hike to a waterfall in town and maybe a caving adventure in the future. It felt easy. The conversation was effortless. It was bizarre and wonderful.


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