Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Rose by any other name does not smell as sweet.

There are things about nature boy that seem so mature. He has a worldly air about him that is a turn on. There are times, most times really, that I forget just how old he is. I forget that nearly a decade separates us. On occassion, I am reminded of this fact when I bring up The Great Space Coaster or quote cellulose classics like Better Off Dead or Threesome.

However, none reminds me of our age difference more than his vernacular with regards to his, um, manhood. What is his favorite reference for his phallus you ask? Allow me to enlighten and entertain, WIENER! Yes, that is right. The man-boy refers to his strong arm with the same word sung in commercial jingles, used by Germans when referring to a Viennese small sausage, and by the lovers (and haters) of that four legged waddler, the dachshund.

The thought of this makes me cringe. Did I step into a time warp that dropped me into a Junior High locker room where pimply-faced boys are discussing their limited knowledge of sex and all things related? Who over the age of 12 refers to his junk as his wiener? Call it your johnson or rod. Tell me you want to give me the high hard one. Say your snake needs to be let out of its cage, but please, oh please, stop calling it your wiener.

I have put him on suspension from the word. If he plans on me putting my own special sauce on his oscar meyer, he is forbidden from ever uttering that juvenile term again.

Wiener? Seriously?!?


  1. In all fairness, not being familiar with "The Great Space Coaster" or "Better off Dead" or "Threesome" says nothing about nature boy's age. I am only a few years younger than you and have never heard of those things. I honestly have no idea what they are. I think it is more a difference in taste! He isn't "in to" that kind of stuff.
    As for have to know that some guys don't feel comfortable saying "rod" or "cock" or "johnson". Maybe he grew up in a conservative household and he just isn't used to that kind of talk. C'mon...don't you find his boyish innocence just a little endearing? :)

  2. WHAT!! You have never seen Better Off Dead? It is John Cusack at his earliest. Fast cars, steep snowy mountains, hot girls-if those aren't the makings of a classic, I don't know what is. :D

    In all seriousness, perhaps you are right about the conservative household. I can get that. If that is the case, call it penis or peepers. Mr. Peeps would be fantastic. The word wiener is just so unattractive.

    We all have our word hang-ups. I have friends who run and hide upon hearing words like moist, lanyard, and scab. Who knows why it bothers me, but it does.

    Any words get under your skin?

  3. i should have said any words get under your foreskin.
    hahaha I slay myself. :D

  4. raw, lard, squirt, juicy, crust, the way i say library (i hate it!), moist, and about 30 others!